A Big Mistake
by Pikax
Summary: All Red wanted was for Ashley to be happy, but one mistake in his plan and he creates a huge mess that only he can sort out - and I'm not sure if even he can sort it out.
1. Recipe for Disaster

**Chapter 1: Recipe for Disaster**

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><p><strong>Ashley, Red and all other WarioWare characters, locations, etc. are owned by Nintendo.<strong>

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><p>Some say that at midnight, strange things tend to happen at the haunted mansion in the spooky woods of Diamond City. That's simply not true – they tend to happen at 11 o' clock at night, though they overrun a bit sometimes. Why 11 o' clock? Well my mistress prefers to work at night but, since she still goes to school, she needs to get up in the morning. Not to mention that a girl needs her beauty sleep, especially Ashley. If Ashley doesn't get enough sleep, she can get really, really, really angry, and you won't like her when she's angry. I sure don't.<p>

Who am I? Come on, you mean you don't recognise this handsome devil? Well the name's Red, and I do Ashley's dirty work. You know, tidy the mansion, get ingredients from the store, help her make potions, that kind of thing. I like helping her with potions – I'm always curious about what happens when you put different things into a cauldron and stir them. Sometimes it's kind of funny when they go wrong too! Ashley doesn't think so though, so she makes me read the instructions out to her. I can't remember all the recipes but I know my way around those potion books.

I admit, Ashley doesn't thank me for my hard work or anything and it would be nice to see her act a little more ... cheery. Seriously, if I had a penny for every day she _didn't_ smile, I'd be a millionaire! But let me tell you, I tried to make her happy once. It didn't go well at all.

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><p>It all started on the 10th of March. I was busy dusting so I didn't know what happened to Ashley at school that day, but whatever it was, it must have been big. When she came in, her face was almost as red as her dress and she was fuming like one of her potions. Before I could even say anything, she stomped past me and into her library in the basement. Not that I was going to say anything, but still, this was rare even for her. Maybe I should've turned into a sceptre and gone to school with her instead of tidying the mansion. That way, whoever was making her mad, she could just wave me around and turn them into a frog.<p>

This was when I began to think "If only there was a way of making her happy." Ashley isn't one for random presents so I could forget about that, and I could cross talking to her off the list as well. Then it hit me: a happiness potion! Sure, I'd never made a potion by myself before, but how hard could it be? I mean, the instructions were always so simple: put things in the cauldron, boil them, stir at the right times and somehow apply the potion (the books always tell you how to apply it). Only one problem: the potion books were in the library along with an upset Ashley. Well I was just going to have to risk being the main ingredient for her next potion. Man, if I had a penny for every time she said that ... you get the idea.

So I decided to go and get the book I needed from the library: Level 3 Potions A-H. I just wanted to go in, grab the book and get out without her noticing, but a creaky step gave me away.

"What are you doing here?" Ashley growled. She was reading something (I'm not sure what it was) and didn't even turn around to face me.

"Just getting a book," I replied, with more than a hint of fear in my voice. I mean, would you be able to talk confidently if the person you had to answer to was in a foul mood and could turn you into a snail?

"Fine, but put it back when you're done," she said. I guessed that Ashley was too mad to threaten me or hurt me, so I could get the book I wanted and get out without any trouble.

Once I was out of the library, I opened the book. The pages were still soggy. There's a little story behind that actually. What happened was, a potion that Ashley and I were making one time splashed onto this book and the words in it started disappearing. First the page numbers, then the names of the potions. If Ashley hadn't cast a time freeze spell on it, the recipes would've disappeared too! And thank goodness the contents page was mostly unharmed. But now whenever I want to use this book for anything, I have to make sure I turn the page the right number of times. This time, what I wanted was the recipe for a happiness potion. Well, there wasn't a happiness potion on the contents page, but I did see one called 'elation potion'. That means happiness, doesn't it? So I counted the number of times I turned the page – one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Like I said, I know my way around these books, with or without page numbers at the bottom and recipe titles at the top.

So I had a look at the recipe. Funny how all the ingredients I needed were ones that we were running out of. We barely had enough for one elation potion and definitely not enough for two, so I had to get this right first time. The book told me to start with gorilla bile and tiger blood and stir that for ten seconds. The last time I stirred before this, we were making some strength potion and I accidentally fell in the cauldron. I nearly drowned in there! So this time I was extra careful not to fall in. I mean, it wasn't all bad that time. Since falling into the strength potion, I've been able to lift up Ashley's bed and clean up under it. This time, however, I definitely wanted to stay out of the mixture.

Next came eye of newt. Ashley says eye of newt is cliché. I say it's a classic. Then I had to add some powdered shark teeth. I know that doesn't sound like something you'd put in an elation potion, but Ashley and I had never made this stuff before so I just had to trust the book. Three pickled earwigs were next. By this point the potion was really starting to smell. Then I had to boil and stir the mixture. Even though Ashley's a witch, she still makes me use a match to light a fire under the cauldron, so I used a match to light a fire under the cauldron before I started stirring again. Soon the potion turned bright green and glowed faintly so I blew out the fire and looked at what the book said next. 'Apply by pouring on target or immersing target.' There was no way Ashley would fit in the cauldron so I couldn't immerse her in the potion, which meant I had to pour it on her. But how was I going to convince Ashley to let me pour this on her when I didn't even tell her I was making it? Not to mention the potion was still very hot. Then I remembered where the door to the library was.

"If I can get the cauldron up the stairs, I can get it into position to pour the potion on Ashley as soon as she comes back up!" I thought out loud. "Red, you're a genius!" Of course, I had to wait for the cauldron and the potion to cool down. By the time they did, it was already night-time. Surprisingly, Ashley didn't come back up while I was waiting, so I lifted the cauldron above my head and carried it upstairs. It felt somewhat lighter at the top.

Once I got it into position, all I had to do was wait for the right moment and tip. The handrail on the landing would stop the cauldron from falling on Ashley. But then I realised that she wouldn't just stand in the right spot. I had to put something there to keep her distracted for a few seconds. Luckily, I hadn't finished cleaning up the front room so I picked up some of the stuff that was still lying around on the floor and dumped it all about a yard in front of the door to the library. At that moment, I heard footsteps – Ashley was coming back up. I rushed back to the cauldron and prepared myself.

The door opened. I could see Ashley walk up to the heap on the floor and pause. This was it. I tilted the cauldron forward just as Ashley started to speak.

"Red, what is this doing here?" she asked crossly. Just as she finished saying the word 'here', the elation potion hit. She got soaked from head to toe in the stuff! The plan had worked! I started thinking about how happy she'd suddenly be. I wondered if she might even hug me. Instead, I got a very loud, very angry "**REEEEEEEEEEEEEED!**"

I didn't understand what had gone wrong. I followed the recipe! But I had to get away from Ashley. As she charged up the stairs, I climbed up onto the handrail then jumped off of it and landed in the front room. Then, while she was rushing back down, I quickly checked the recipe and discovered that I had missed something: the last step. I only had time to read 'Add moonlight within 2' before Ashley was upon me. How I managed to get past her I do not know, but I ran outside because it was a full moon that night – plenty of moonlight to finish the job. And sure enough, Ashley followed me outside but paused after five steps and said something about feeling funny. Now the potion was working!

But it wasn't working like I expected. I could see her face and it was not getting any happier. In fact, I think she was becoming more cross. I had to go back inside and find out what was wrong. I reread the recipe and checked that I had done everything it said. 'Pour in gorilla bile and tiger blood.' Check. 'Stir for ten seconds.' Check. 'Add eye of newt, powdered shark teeth and three pickled earwigs.' Check, check and check. 'Boil and stir.' Check. 'Apply by pouring on target or immersing target.' Well I poured it on so check. 'Add moonlight within 2 minutes of applying enlargement potion to target.' This was when I realised that all this time I had been making the wrong potion! How could I have made such a big mistake? Panicking, I checked the number of page turns I made from the contents page to get to this recipe: one, two, three, four, five ... and then I discovered that two of the pages had stuck together. I continued counting page turns and, sure enough, I had counted the stuck-together pages as one. I couldn't tell but I'm pretty sure my face went pale at that point.

I'd like to say I bravely opened the front door and went outside to see how bad the damage was, but it was more like nervously. As I feared, Ashley had already grown as tall as the mansion (and nearly as wide as the front room) and she wasn't stopping. I probably should've gone back inside, but I was too scared to move. I'm not just saying that either! Then she glared down at me furiously and picked me up between a huge thumb and forefinger. She just kept getting bigger and bigger until she was about twelve times as big as normal with little old me in her giant grasp! She lifted me up until I was level with her mouth. It wasn't a very happy mouth either.

I was dead meat.

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><p><strong>So here is my first story. It's actually an idea I had several years ago and forgot about until I recently discovered this site. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. It's pretty much all set-up for the rest of the story. Some feedback would be nice. If it's worth continuing this, it'll end up with at least five chapters. Rated T because there is the possibility of some T-rated stuff sneaking in in a later chapter.<strong>


	2. Food for Thought

**Chapter 2: Food for Thought**

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><p><strong>Ashley, Red and all other WarioWare characters, locations, etc. are still owned by Nintendo. Jacob is an original character.<strong>

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><p>So there I was, held more than fifty feet in the air by a gigantic Ashley who was far from happy. Can you see any way out of that? I certainly couldn't. All I could do was close my eyes and brace myself for the inevitable. But the inevitable didn't happen. Instead, I slowly opened my eyes to see that Ashley, while still not even remotely happy, was at least sparing my life.<p>

"Are you all right Ashley?" I asked timidly, even though it was obvious what the answer was.

"**WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?**" she snapped. I tried to tell her that it was a mistake, but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. To be honest, I don't think she even cared what I was going to say because she then looked up at the sky and began to vent her spleen. Now let me tell you, Ashley may have a metric ton of problems, but she almost always chooses to solve them herself rather than rant about them. So whenever she picks the latter, I listen to her intently to see if I can help, and this was no exception. While I don't remember what she said word for word, I did get the gist of it.

Apparently there was some new kid called Jacob in Ashley's class. He joined at the start of the year and things had been going downhill for Ashley since then. The influence she once had over the teachers and pupils was now his. Jacob seemed to love making fun of Ashley and whenever he did, all the other kids joined in. As for schoolwork, Ashley threatening to turn the teachers into cutlery was nothing when Jacob was like their bodyguard. Of course, this meant that all the A's and A+'s went to him while Ashley had to study hard for school when she wanted to practise her magic. My first thought was "This Jacob guy has guts if he's standing up to Ashley like this."

She then complained about being turned into a giant when all she wanted to do was get some dinner. I could have guessed that Ashley wanted some dinner from the rumbling noise coming from her stomach.

Thankfully Ashley then started to calm down. My ears were ringing after hearing her shouting. But then I saw the faintest smile form on her lips.

"Then again, this might not be all bad," she said. "I might be able to get my own back on Jacob now." I gulped. Whenever Ashley plots revenge against someone, it always means there's going to be trouble before the end of the next day. Then Ashley looked back down at me and said "But first, I need something to eat." She put me back down on the ground and sat down beside the mansion. As I went back inside and got ready to cook Ashley some dinner, I suddenly realised that without enough ingredients for a second enlargement potion, anything I cooked wouldn't even be a mouthful for her. Then I recalled a certain pizza restaurant that did some really big pizzas, was only a phone call away and always delivered. I wasn't sure if I could get a pizza big enough for Ashley, but it was worth a try.

"Hello, this is Mona Pizza; may I take your order?" the familiar voice of Mona asked when I dialled the number for Mona Pizza. But before I said anything, it occurred to me that Mona probably wouldn't react too well if I told her the whole truth about Ashley, so I had to phrase my request carefully. After some thinking, I asked her what the biggest pizza they did was.

Mona sounded surprised to hear my voice. "But Red, don't you and Ashley usually cook something for yourselves?" she asked. I told her that Ashley was so hungry that she could eat an elephant, which was probably not far from the truth. As if to prove my point, I heard Ashley's stomach rumble again.

Then I got an answer from Mona. "Well for a limited time only, you can order a Mega Super Ultra Mona Special Deluxe – big enough to fill a kitchen and two hundred hungry tummies!" This was perfect! So I ordered one of those Ultra Mega whatsit pizzas, conveniently forgetting to tell Mona that I only needed to fill one very big tummy. Then she said that she'd be at the mansion in ten minutes. I tried to tell her that that wasn't such a good idea, but she hung up before I could say anything. Well at least that was one problem solved, so I chose to start working on the other main problem: how to restore Ashley to normal size.

The solution was fairly obvious: if the enlargement potion was a level 3 potion, then there was most likely a shrinking potion in one of the other level 3 books. As I headed for the library, I noticed that the cauldron was still on the landing, so I brought it back down and put it back where it belonged before entering the library. Once in there, I found Level 3 Potions Q-Z almost instantly. Unlike Level 3 Potions A-H, this book was intact. I took the book out of the library and looked for the recipe for a shrinking potion. Sure enough, it was on page 15. I made sure I turned to the correct page this time, but when I saw what ingredients were needed, my heart sank. We didn't even have enough for _one_ shrinking potion! And since the ingredients store was probably already shut, I would have to wait until at least the following day to get what I needed. For the time being, all I could do was wait until Mona arrived. Then I thought it was a good idea to let Ashley know about dinner, so I went back outside.

Ashley had moved forward and turned around so that her legs were parallel with the front of the mansion. When I went outside, she could immediately see me. She asked me what I was up to and I told her that I had just checked our ingredients storage and we were running low on ingredients for some key potions. I didn't tell her about getting her back to normal size because I wasn't sure how she'd react to that. Naturally, she wasn't happy about the ingredients shortage, so I also said that I'd get some more tomorrow and that I had worked something out for dinner. That made me wonder how Mona would be able to get a massive pizza from her restaurant to the mansion. As far as I knew, she didn't have a dumper truck or anything, and if the pizza was as big as she said it was, it wouldn't fit on her moped.

Suddenly I heard the sound of an engine. I think Ashley must have heard it too since she turned to look at where it was coming from. When I turned around, I could see Mona arriving on her moped, but there was no sign of the pizza. I began to worry and it didn't help that Mona had a look of surprise and fear on her face. I went to ask her about the pizza but she just stood there dumbfounded. I couldn't blame her since I didn't tell her that Ashley was so big, but I had to know about the pizza. I poked her with my pitchfork to get her attention. Mona immediately jumped and looked at me and then I got my chance to ask where the pizza was. Turns out it was in the pizza box on her moped – _a normal-sized pizza box_. Once again, I feared that this plan for Ashley's dinner wasn't working. It didn't help that Ashley's stomach growled again and she was looking hungrily at me and Mona. Then Mona put the pizza box down on the ground several yards in front of the moped, pressed down on the top of the box and then ran back to the moped. That wasn't the way to open an ordinary pizza box, so I guessed that this one must have been special, maybe one of Dr. Crygor's inventions.

Seconds later, the lid of the box opened up and the sides of the box folded down so that the entire thing was completely flat on the ground, revealing a pizza that was far too big to fit in an ordinary pizza box. Just like Mona said, it was huge – at least ten foot wide – and it had been cut into eight slices. Mona hadn't been stingy with the toppings either; the whole pizza was covered in cheese and had massive amounts of every topping imaginable. This was perfect for filling Ashley's tummy! In fact, I was feeling a little peckish myself and I figured that Ashley wouldn't mind if I had my fill. But first, Mona needed payment. Or at least, I thought she needed payment, but when I asked her how much it would cost, she said that it was on her and promptly drove off. I guess she must have been intimidated by Ashley. Again, I couldn't blame her. Still, dinner was served and I decided to help myself to some of Ashley's pizza.

In hindsight, I should've asked first, or at least waited until Ashley had chosen her first slice. Why? Because that way, there was no chance of her picking up a slice of pizza while I was holding onto it. Yep, that happened. I don't know if she didn't see me or if her hunger made her think I was a pepperoni or something, but while I was holding the pizza slice and having my first mouthful, I found myself being lifted up off the ground. By the time I noticed, I was already more than forty feet off the ground and still rising. I was sure that this was the end of me as I got closer and closer to Ashley's wide open mouth. Desperately, I tried to come up with a way of not getting accidentally eaten. Since Ashley was still sitting down, I got the idea to let go of the pizza at just the right moment so that I would land in her lap. Not the best plan I ever came up with but I figured that her lap would provide a softer landing than the ground and it was way better then getting eaten so it would do. The thing is, I had to time it right. I had to let go of the pizza as close to Ashley's lips as possible – too far away and I'd miss her lap completely and hit the ground with a splat.

But I left it too late. When I let go, I was already past her lips. So I ended up inside Ashley's mouth, which closed in an instant. I was unable to see a thing and barely able to breathe. I'm not afraid to admit that it reeked in there. I was tossed around as she chewed the mouthful of pizza and I felt myself being splashed with a warm liquid that could only have been saliva. Miraculously, her teeth missed me completely. Even more miraculously, just as I was about to go on a one-way trip to her stomach, Ashley paused and opened her mouth. Suddenly I could see that I was right in the middle of her tongue and surrounded by chewed-up pizza, and then I felt myself being picked up and pulled out of her mouth. I was saved!

That was without a doubt the scariest thing that had ever happened to me. I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Ashley almost didn't seem bothered though. I think I heard her say that I tasted funny, and then she sternly told me that I should get my own dinner. After what had just happened, I couldn't have agreed more. So once she put me back down on the ground, I went back inside the mansion. First, though, I needed a shower to wash off her saliva. Seriously, Ashley's saliva does not smell or feel nice. After having a quick shower, I cooked some normal-sized spaghetti bolognese for myself, leaving Ashley to eat her oversized pizza by herself.

Thankfully, we were both able to have our separate dinners without anything else untoward happening. It was getting quite late so, since I had nothing better to do, I went back outside to check that Ashley was ok. She was lying on her back in front of the mansion with one hand on her stomach. I was about to ask if she was ok, but judging by the way she was breathing, I guessed that she was asleep. I decided to go back inside and go to sleep as well. This whole fiasco was going to cause so many problems, but Ashley and I could solve them in the morning.

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><p><strong>So there's chapter 2 for you. What a giant in a normal-sized world would eat is one of the first things I thought of when I got the idea for this story and I can tell you now that it will be revisited in a later chapter, but not before we find out more about this Jacob character. Anyway, let me know what you think of the story so far. Seriously, if you think it's awesome, let me know, and if you think it sucks, definitely let me know so I can make it better.<strong>


	3. Huge Complications

**Chapter 3: Huge Complications**

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><p><strong>Ashley, Red and all other WarioWare characters, locations, etc. are still owned by Nintendo. Jacob is still an original character, as is Boris.<strong>

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><p>Morning came and I woke up to see the sun shining in the sky. I got out of bed and went downstairs, thinking that it was going to be a good day. Sure, there was the issue of Ashley being much bigger than normal, but all I had to do was get the ingredients for a shrinking potion, make the shrinking potion and give it to her. What could possibly go wrong?<p>

First, I had to check what ingredients we needed. I thought it would be a good idea to stock up on all of the ingredients that we were running low on, not just the ones I needed for the shrinking potion. So I looked in the kitchen cupboards where we keep the ingredients and wrote a shopping list. It ended up being quite long but I was pretty sure that Ashley had enough money to get what we needed. Besides, she wasn't going to need it for anything else for the time being. Then I went back into the front room and grabbed her purse from the table by the stairs. Now I was all set.

I went outside and saw that Ashley had already woken up and was lying down on her stomach and looking straight at me with her chin in her hands. She wasn't as angry as she was the night before but she still wasn't happy, so I told her that I was going to get some ingredients that we were running out of. She asked me about breakfast and I told her that I'd get it sorted after getting the ingredients. Ashley didn't say anything after that so I walked around her and made my way to the store.

It took about twenty minutes to get to the store. I could have made it there much quicker if I turned into a broomstick, but unfortunately I had to carry a list and a purse and I didn't know how I'd be able to carry them in broomstick form. The journey to the store was rather uneventful – all I saw was people going about their usual business. Once I reached the store, I opened the door and walked inside.

Boris the shopkeeper was behind the counter. Boris is a rather chubby guy with a big black beard and not much hair on his head. He wears an orange robe but, unlike some characters I've seen before, he doesn't get mad if you call it a dress. He can be a bit effeminate at times, which apparently has led some customers to think he's gay. He also knows quite a bit of magic. I suppose the owner of a store that sells ingredients for magic potions would need to know some magic. He usually uses it to make some kind of portal to wherever any purchased ingredients need to go, which is good for big orders like my one was. The two of us would sometimes have a little chat while I was in the shop. For me, it made up for the usual lack of conversation with Ashley.

Boris greeted me cheerfully. "Hello to my favourite customer!" he said. "How's things going?"

I replied "Well apart from Ashley being about sixty feet tall and I think quite hungry, I'd say things are going well." Then I handed him my shopping list. "We're running low on these ingredients," I continued, "and some of them are gonna be key to undoing this whole mess." Most people's jaws would have dropped if they found out Ashley was a giant, but Boris has an understanding of what magic can do, so he pretty much shrugged it off. Upon looking at the list of ingredients, he scratched his chin.

"So you're planning on using shrinking potion to sort things out, eh?" After saying this, Boris chuckled a little. "You'll need a lot more than fifty grams of spider eyes for that ... and a very big cauldron too!" That didn't sound good, so I asked him what he meant by that, even though I could see the answer coming a mile away.

"If you pour shrinking potion down Ashley's throat, the most it'll do is shrink whatever she just ate," he replied in a much more serious tone. "To return her to normal size, you've got to pour the potion_ all over her_." Suddenly I was the one whose jaw had dropped. I'd need enough shrinking potion to fill a lake! There was no way I'd be able to make that much unless the Crygors had invented something that could turn a teaspoon of liquid into a deluge, and to my knowledge they hadn't. I began to feel sick.

"Should I remove the shrinking potion ingredients from your shopping list then?" Boris asked me.

"No, I'll still get them," I answered, "just in case we find a use for them." Boris then told me how much the ingredients cost. I opened Ashley's purse and pulled out some money, which just so happened to be the exact amount I had to pay. That's the great thing about her purse: you always somehow end up with just enough money, provided that there's enough in there. As soon as I paid Boris, he turned his back to me and raised his hands above his head.

"Portam ad Ashley's mansion ... aperio!" he boomed. I couldn't see much because his large figure was in the way, but soon I could see a big white ring. As he moved away to get the ingredients I was buying, it became clear that the big white ring was actually a big white circle. I could make out some faint lines on this circle going towards the center. A portal to the mansion had been opened. I only got to see it for a few seconds though as Boris moved back in front of the portal with the ingredients he was going to send through. Every time he put one into the portal, there was a sound like someone drinking the last of their milkshake through a straw. This happened quite a few times since there were quite a few ingredients I needed to get.

"So how is Ashley these days?" Boris asked. "Hugeness aside."

"She's not been too happy lately," I said. "She told me about it last night. There's this guy at school who's been making her life a misery. Jacob I think his name was." Boris paused for a moment and hummed in thought.

"If he's annoying Ashley that much," he replied, "then he's either a complete moron or he must know some really good magic, and from what you've told me before, I reckon Ashley wouldn't be too bothered with a complete moron." So Jacob must have been a magic user like Ashley! It took me a while to process that, but it made sense. There aren't that many magic users in Diamond City, which is why Ashley was always one to be feared. Such was the status quo and Ashley saw that it was good. But if this Jacob guy had the power to disrupt that then no wonder she was so pissed off. I considered the possibility of Jacob being able to get Ashley back to normal size, but then I realised that he probably wouldn't want to. Plus, she would most likely try to kill him on sight. Then I thought "That would make her happy, wouldn't it." Thus, I started coming up with a cunning plan.

While I thought about this, Boris sent the last of the ingredients through the portal and then closed it up. I asked him if he knew anything about Jacob, but he told me he didn't. This didn't matter too much since I already knew that he went to the same school as Ashley. This reminded me: it was Friday, so Jacob would be at school. I asked Boris if he had the time and he said it was coming up to 11 o' clock – recess. Suddenly it looked like my cunning plan could be put into action right away. I thanked Boris for the ingredients and he said to me "Pleasure doing business with you, Red." Then I left the store and headed for the school. It took a while to get there and, once again, the journey was rather dull.

Once I arrived at the school, I decided to stay out of sight until I found Jacob. The playground was full of pupils playing ball games with each other and chatting to each other. In one corner, I saw a young man doing some kind of card trick with a few other guys. I heard one of them mention the name Jacob, so I suspected that this was the guy I was after. Luckily I was able to get close enough to see the card trick in detail without being spotted. I guess that's one of the benefits of being a little guy. The way this person was doing the trick strongly suggested that it was not mere sleight of hand or trickery, but genuine magic. This practically proved it: this person was Jacob. I now knew that he was a tall and fairly skinny person with short blond hair, a pale complexion and blue jeans and a purple T-shirt.

Next, I had to get his attention. If this were a mission that relied on me being undetected by everyone else, this would be very hard. However, it didn't matter much whether or not the other kids saw me, so I casually strolled up to him, just in time to see him finish the trick ... and see that the cards were not playing cards. He immediately focused on me.

"Is that your trick-or-treat costume?" he sneered. A few of the nearby boys started laughing at this remark. I didn't see what was so funny about it. "Seriously, kid, go back to kindergarten. This is the big boys' playground," Jacob continued. "Yeah, big boys only," one of the other boys chimed in. I groaned. If he was this mean to me, I dreaded to think what he did to Ashley. Still, answering back would probably only make things worse, so I bit my tongue, but I wasn't going to leave just yet.

"I said beat it," Jacob shouted. He started approaching me menacingly with a few of his lackeys beside him. I blurted out "Don't make me get Ashley!" and that made the bullies stop for a moment. Then they burst into laughter. I looked down at the ground in embarrassment.

"The only thing that loser Ashley can conjure up is failure," he jeered. Now I was mad. "Speaking of which, where is Ashley?" he asked. "Did she accidentally turn herself into a bunny rabbit?" The crowd went wild with laughter again. And just as I thought it couldn't get any worse, I suddenly felt my pitchfork slide out of my grip. I looked up and there it was, floating right above me. Jacob had his arms out in front of him and his left hand was slowly waving while his right hand looked like it was holding something.

"You wanna see some real magic? Try this!" he boasted. He turned his hands around, causing my pitchfork to turn towards me. A moment later, Jacob was making my own pitchfork jab me over and over again, much to the amusement of the onlookers. Thankfully, he stopped after about half a minute and then asked me "So how did you like that?" At this point I wanted to rip his heart out, but I was certain that Ashley could do much worse to him now.

I said to him "It's a shame you had to be so mean to me. I was going to show you what Ashley's like now. I reckon it'd crack you up!" Of course, the last sentence was a lie, but he didn't need to know that. He certainly seemed interested so I told him that I'd show him if he stopped playing tricks on me. He fell for my ruse, so the two of us made our way back to Ashley's mansion. On the way there, he didn't use any of his magic on me, though he did take several opportunities to show it off. At one point he even made a fire hydrant blow up! No wonder this guy wasn't scared of Ashley, but I had a funny feeling that was going to change in a minute.

It wasn't long before both of us were there. Ashley was sitting next to the mansion with both hands on her stomach. She had probably been waiting for breakfast and wasn't expecting to see Jacob. I told Ashley that she had a visitor. Jacob stood there with a combination of fear and anger showing on his face, and then Ashley grabbed him in her hand and lifted him to her mouth. For a moment I could hear Jacob cursing me for tricking him, but he was soon silenced when Ashley popped him in her mouth. I couldn't imagine Jacob being very filling for her, but I guessed she must have been really hungry. It looked like Jacob was putting up a fight but it wasn't long before Ashley swallowed him whole. Served him right!

I made my way back towards the mansion to sort out the ingredients I had just bought and put Ashley's purse back where it belonged, but suddenly I heard Ashley groan as if she had a tummy ache. However, when I looked at Ashley, it looked like she had worse than a tummy ache. She was gripping her stomach tightly with both hands and I could see a grimace on her face. The groans soon changed to repeated 'Ow's, which was a sure sign that I needed to do something, but what? I knew that Ashley swallowing Jacob had something to do with her agony, but I didn't know exactly what the problem was ... until I heard something that gave it away.

"This ought to get me out of here," came a voice from her stomach – Jacob's voice. He had somehow saved himself from digestion and was now trying to break out of Ashley's belly! As Ashley continued to groan and yelp in pain, I frantically tried to come up with a remedy. I couldn't think of any potions that would stop Jacob, especially since stomach acid was clearly doing nothing to him. Nor were there any other objects that I could make Ashley swallow that would get rid of him, and there wasn't a sceptre big enough for her to use to cast any spells of her own. There was only one thing I could do and I did not relish the thought of it one bit: I would have to go down into Ashley's belly myself and deal with Jacob while in there. Of course, I couldn't just jump straight in because I'd be dead in an instant. I would have to be prepared. Fortunately, I was pretty sure that there were some potions I could make to protect myself from the effects of being inside Ashley's stomach.

I hurried back inside the mansion, put Ashley's purse back on its table and got to work.

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><p><strong>This chapter ended up a bit longer than the other two but I had to end it on that note. Red's day just got a lot more complicated. I think it's pretty obvious what the next chapter is going to focus on, but I may include a little surprise in there for you. Or you might not be surprised by it at all. Either way, stay tuned for chapter 4.<strong>


	4. Inside Scoop

**Chapter 4: Inside Scoop**

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><p><strong>Ashley, Red and all other WarioWare characters, locations, etc. are still owned by Nintendo. Jacob is still an original character.<strong>

**WARNING: This chapter contains some strong language.**

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><p>This was bad. Ashley was in great pain and the only way I could stop it involved being swallowed whole. But how was I going to live once I was inside Ashley's stomach? The stomach acid would surely dissolve me the instant I touched it, so I needed something that could protect me from that. There was also no air in there so I had to find a way to breathe in there. Plus, I knew from my previous experience with almost being swallowed that it was going to be pitch black inside Ashley, so I needed something that would allow me to see in total darkness. I tried to think of what else I would need and I imagined the plan in my head, but I was disturbed by a scream from outside. The time for thinking was over!<p>

Luckily, I knew that there were some potions for what I needed: acid resistance potion, air bubble potion and clear sight potion. However, there wouldn't be enough time to prepare all three potions from scratch. I had a look in the kitchen to see if we had any spare bottles of those potions. When I entered the kitchen, the floor was covered in ingredients – the ones that I'd purchased earlier. But I could put them away later. I made my way to the potion cupboards, trying my best not to step on the ingredients, and when I opened them, I breathed a sigh of relief. There was a bottle of air bubble potion and a flask of clear sight potion. Without thinking, I drank both of them at once. A few seconds later, I felt something around my head and the air smelled fresher. No doubt this was the air bubble potion taking effect. I didn't notice the clear sight one doing anything though.

Sadly, there was no acid resistance potion in the cupboards, so I had to prepare that one myself. First, I hurried to the library to get the book I needed. This potion's recipe was in Level 2 Potions A-H, so I picked that up and ran back to the front room where the cauldron was. I quickly opened the book, somehow getting the right page immediately, and had a look at what I needed to do. First, I had to pour in some wolf urine and cow mucus. I was glad I had already drunk the air bubble potion. Then I had to add seven dead cockroaches and the heart of a pig. Once those were all in the cauldron, I needed to boil the mixture and stir it. It seemed to take forever to prepare this potion and the occasional groan or scream from Ashley didn't help. The final step required me to immerse myself in the potion, so I put a hand in the potion to test it. It was still very hot so I couldn't jump in yet. But it could take a while for the potion to cool down and I didn't have all day! So I hurried into the kitchen to get some ice. Once again, I had to navigate the floor and avoid stepping on any ingredients, but fortunately there was some ice in the freezer, so I grabbed as much as I could and made my way back to the full cauldron. Then I dropped all the ice in. It melted almost instantaneously, so after checking that the potion was cool enough, I jumped into the cauldron and made sure that I was completely covered in the potion. Once I was, I jumped out and dipped my pitchfork in. I was ready.

I ran outside as fast as my legs could carry me. Once outside, I saw that I had no time to lose. Ashley was gripping her stomach tightly and she was short of breath. She looked at me and I could see tears forming in her eyes! She said in a very weak voice "Red ... help me." I very nearly started to cry too, but I took a moment to compose myself. I had to do this now.

"Ashley," I shouted up to her, "I need you to swallow me!" Ashley looked at me quizzically. I suppose it was a strange thing to ask her to do, but I told her that I meant it. Seconds later, she picked me up in her hand and popped me into her mouth, and then not a moment too soon, she swallowed me whole. It wasn't a smooth journey down her throat, but soon I was in her stomach and still alive.

This was when I noticed the effects of the clear sight potion. I could see as if it were daylight inside Ashley. I was in a greeny-brown liquid that felt weird – stomach acid for sure. Luckily the acid resistance potion was working perfectly too. The walls all around looked like they were slowly moving in and out and for a moment I thought I saw a remnant of last night's pizza ... and a body, though I convinced myself that I was imagining that one. But this was no time for sightseeing. I had to find Jacob.

When I turned around, I saw him quite close to the edge of Ashley's stomach. He had a large, luminous bubble surrounding his entire body. This must have been a protective barrier of some kind to protect him from the acid. No doubt he had some air in there too so he could breathe. However, when I swam to the left to get a look at Jacob from another angle, I could see that while his left hand appeared to be holding something, some kind of red lightning bolt was going from his right hand to the wall! This had to be the cause of Ashley's stomach pains. I swam as fast as I could towards Jacob and stuck my pitchfork in the way of the red lightning bolt. I didn't know how long the pitchfork would last for but at least it stopped the bolt from hitting Ashley's stomach. Of course, Jacob wasn't too happy about my intervention.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he barked at me. Then it looked like he was trying to make his magical bolt more powerful to get through my pitchfork. I was amazed at how well my pitchfork took the attack!

"I'm not letting you kill Ashley!" I yelled back at him. Then the bolt disappeared. Jacob must have decided to cancel that spell. Maybe it was draining his energy or something. He then sighed and buried his head in his hands.

"You are an idiot, you know that?" he said. "You know what horrible things Ashley used to do before I showed up, don't you! If things didn't go her way, she would cast a spell on someone and nobody would ever see them again. Yes, I have to get out of here, but if Ashley dies in the process then I've done everyone a favour!" That last sentence infuriated me.

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" I shouted. "Ashley doesn't _want_ to hurt anyone. She just gets in a bad mood whenever she can't get a spell or potion right. Besides, you wouldn't be doing _everyone_ a favour!"

"I can't believe you're trying to justify this!" he shrieked. "Fuck this shit. If you're going to stop me from getting out of here, then I'll just have to kill you first!" He then put his hand out in front of him and, before I knew what was happening, I was hit in the chest by a fireball! Fortunately it didn't burn too much, but then another fireball emerged from his hand. This time, however, I swatted it away with my pitchfork and it landed in the surrounding stomach acid and the flames were put out. This happened again and again for about a minute before he took a breather.

"You're a persistent little bastard," he said, "but you can't win." I immediately swam up to him as fast as I could and tried to stab him with my pitchfork, but trying to get the pitchfork through his protective bubble was like trying to get it through a rock. Jacob laughed at my attempts to kill him. Still, my attack wasn't completely useless. During the struggle, I found out what it was that he was holding in his left hand. It was a pair of cards: one with a fireball on the front and one with a shield with a golden ring around it on the front. The cards must have been the source of his magic! If only I could get him to drop them ...

All of a sudden, I was hit by another fireball, which knocked me flying into the wall at high speed. Then the wall pushed me back towards Jacob at the same high speed. I landed right in front of him again, only to be pushed back by another fireball. This one left a burn on my chest and I winced in pain as he launched another fireball at me. But this time, I spotted something very useful. Jacob had to put his right hand through the barrier to shoot a fireball at me. I slowly swam back towards him, trying as hard as I could not to get hit by any more fireballs. Soon, I was in close quarters again. As he prepared to send me away again, I instinctively thrusted my pitchfork at his exposed hand. Once I was sure the prongs had buried themselves in his hand, I pulled the pitchfork back out and saw blood seep from the wound. Jacob retracted his hand and screamed in pain and yelled a lot of swear words at me.

Then it happened. His barrier began to flicker. Jacob noticed this and the colour drained from his face. My attack must have made him lose his focus on the protective barrier spell. I saw him frantically looking through his other cards, presumably for one to cast a healing spell. Unfortunately, he found one. He cast it incredibly quickly and his hand healed. Immediately afterwards, he focused on refreshing his protective barrier. I groaned as the barrier around him stopped flashing and Jacob was, once again, completely protected. This guy was unbeatable!

"Nice try," Jacob sneered, "but like I said, you can't beat me. Now why don't you make this easier for both of us and let me finish what I started?" For a moment, I thought I would have to. I couldn't do any lasting damage to him or get rid of his barrier. I was out of options. I had tried so hard to save Ashley from intense pain and certain death but ultimately I had failed. I considered the position I was in and came very close to giving up ... until I heard something that suggested hope.

Jacob seemed to be having some trouble breathing. While the barrier was flickering, some of the air inside it must have escaped. I allowed myself a little smile because my air bubble gave me plenty of air to breathe. I was still in the game after all.

"Jacob," I said with renewed determination, "you will kill Ashley and escape from her tummy **over my dead body!**" Then I went in for another attack while Jacob prepared to cast another fireball spell. However, just as I was about to hit his hand, Jacob pulled it back in an instant and cancelled his fireball spell before charging up another one. He had worked out what I was trying to do. I tried over and over again to pierce his hand, but he always pulled it back just in time. Soon, I tried to change the timing of my pitchfork thrusts. Maybe I couldn't injure him directly, but there had to be a point of no return in his fireball spell. Once past this point, it would be impossible to cancel the spell. Jacob appeared to be withdrawing his hand pretty much instinctively, so maybe I could get him to unleash a fireball inside the barrier. That would surely burn him and ruin his concentration.

I tested my new strategy and, sure enough, I soon got Jacob to accidentally make a fireball inside his barrier. Once again, he frantically looked through his cards for a suitable spell. This time, he used a water spell to put out the fireball, but while he was focusing on that, the barrier around him shimmered again. Even though Jacob successfully saved his barrier, he lost nearly all of the air inside it! Jacob was now really struggling to breathe, but somehow he was still smiling.

"Well done," he panted. "You've just trapped yourself inside a giant stomach for the rest of your life." I cursed under my breath. I knew there was something I had forgotten in my plan! I looked up and, sure enough, the way I had come in was shut. The other way out must have been shut too otherwise the stomach acid would have been draining away. I was doomed to spend the rest of my life inside Ashley's belly. But I wasn't going to let Jacob have the last laugh. Not after this. So I told him that I didn't care. He looked at me quizzically just like Ashley did when I asked her to swallow me, and then I told him something that, up to this point, I hadn't told anyone. Not even Ashley. This is what I said to him:

"The bond between a witch and her familiar is something incredibly powerful. In fact, it's the reason why I am. It's my purpose in life. Without Ashley, I am nothing, and without me, she wouldn't be half of what she is today. This bond is not love – the word 'love' doesn't do it justice. It is much stronger than that, more than what you or Ashley could possibly imagine. It is why I don't just say I'm willing to lay my life on the line for her; I actually _am_ willing to lay my life on the line for her. I will go through all kinds of fucked up shit just to keep her happy, or as close to happy as possible. If what I've done here means Ashley is no longer in pain or in danger of dying, then I don't care that I'm stuck in her tummy forever, because I'd rather lose my life than let you make Ashley's life hell."

As I finished saying that, I saw Jacob's barrier flicker again, and then it vanished. Moments later, he also disappeared into the surrounding stomach acid where he would be digested at Ashley's leisure. At last, that asshole was gone! But I couldn't celebrate too much. I had to get a good look around my new home. Maybe I could find out if I really did see some pizza remains and a body.

And then something bizarre happened. The stomach acid around me began to gurgle and I could see a multicoloured glow in the acid in front of me. There must have been something about Jacob (or maybe his cards) that was making this happen. The glow spread until it filled Ashley's stomach completely. Then I saw bubbles rising up from the surrounding stomach acid. First, it was only a few, but soon there were a lot – so many that I felt myself being lifted up by them and being pushed towards the top of Ashley's stomach, where an opening had appeared. I was about to be pushed back up Ashley's throat!

After a few seconds of high-speed travel up her throat, I flew out of it like I had just been shot out of a cannon, and landed on the tip of Ashley's tongue. The bubbles from her stomach continued to flow from her throat and out of her gaping mouth. There was also a loud noise that I soon realised was her burping. Once Ashley had finished the world's longest burp, she picked me up off of her tongue and pulled me out of her mouth. By some unforeseen miracle, Ashley was all right and I had made it out of her belly alive!

I heard her mutter something about weird but nice. When I asked what that was about, she said that was how I tasted. I couldn't help but laugh. Then Ashley put me down on the ground again and I slowly made my way back to the mansion, relieved that that ordeal was over. As I went back in, I remembered that, apart from me, Jacob and the stomach acid, Ashley's tummy was rather empty, so I decided to order another one of Mona's giant pizzas as soon as possible.

But we couldn't go on like this. I had to get Ashley back to normal as soon as possible.

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><p><strong>This was quite a hard chapter for me to write despite the direction of it being obvious. I'm still not 100% sure I've got it quite right. I was going to add a couple more bits but decided that this was long enough for one chapter. Anyway, if all goes to plan, the next couple of chapters will feature more of the WarioWare crew, including 9-Volt and Dr. Crygor.<strong>


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